22.6.14

Too Huge World





“What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” ― Jack Kerouac, On the Road
I don't like saying goodbyes. They never feel right, they feel forced, or too emotional or not emotional enough. You never feel like you've spent enough time with a person, you feel a little cheated, wonder why you're going anywhere at all. Hugs are never long enough, kisses never sweet enough, and no words can truly express what you're feeling. You try to make it easier say "I'll be back soon!" Or, "the month with be over before we know it!" But mostly you just want to hold on for a little bit longer, take their hand in yours, smile and say "never mind, I'm not going anywhere."

Last Saturday (or Sunday, really) after one of the longest days of my life, I finally made it home. I loved Chicago, I loved it a lot. I loved the people I saw in the subway and busses, with their stories to tell that I'll never know. People with crazy colored hair, or men wearing high heels and beautiful clothes and holding hands with pretty girls who don't smile unless they're laughing. I loved the city and the parks and the cute tourists pulling each other along with excitement as they try to see everything before they have to leave (I feel you there, friend.) I loved the museums and chatting excitedly with Emy and Avi and Lidia about science (we mostly know nothing, but it still makes us wide eyed and happy). Basically, I loved it all and it was hard to say goodbye.

Now I'm saying my goodbyes again, though I've only been home for a few days since I'm headed to Mexico on Thursday for a month. Started with the first goodbye yesterday, which I didn't like at all, but who likes goodbyes?

xoxo Johanna
ps. How are all of you guys? Long time no see (write?). How has your summer been so far? Anything new and exciting happening?

9 comments:

  1. mm, yes. lots of goodbyes in my life lately. saying goodbye to cousins, aunts, uncles new (+ old) friends, and the green, vivid beauty of Ohio, and greeting Arizona again with hesitant arms (and yet eager hellos to my sorely missed absent family members).

    also, can i just say, your writing, your photographs... and... just you. everything speaks to me in a way that i've been missing from the posts i've read lately. you write with raw emotion, and connect with the hearts of the readers, and it's refreshing, inspiring, and beautiful. and your photographs? (SWOON. AND THAT PUPPY ERMIGOSH. SO FLUFFYYYY. *faints*)

    yeah. i've missed this corner of the internet a lot in my extended absence. and i've missed you. let's chat sometime, huh? (also, wow, this comment is really long, but whatever.) love you gobs. xx

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    1. Yes yes! Traveling does that. It's such a weird mixture of holding life at arms length and french kissing the world. (If that makes sense and isn't overly weird...) Thank you for your very kind words, you darling girl! <3 I've missed you a lot and your beautiful blog, excited to see you edge back into this world again!

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  2. Ah. These images ate just so wonderful. The everyday. Its so normal but yet it speaks so loud with its golden light and simple pleasures.
    I just cannot get enough of what you wrote about goodbyes. My heart was welling with agreement so much i thought it would burst.
    Enjoy Mexico. I am new here, but it reads as though you're on some kind of wonderful adventure. I can only imagine how amazing it must be.
    -Abigail

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    1. I'm happy to meet you, Abigail! Thanks for liking my little piece of the internet. :)

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  3. your photos are unreal & your photos ring so true. too good!!

    i've been OK. the summer has, thus far, being hard and toiling and i find myself wishing for fall to come, although i don't know if things will be any better. i'm learning the art of holding on, and my palms are sweaty and my fingers are calloused, but i'm trying to keep my head above water and keep breathing, even when it's hard.

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  4. "I don't like saying goodbyes. They never feel right, they feel forced, or too emotional or not emotional enough. You never feel like you've spent enough time with a person, you feel a little cheated, wonder why you're going anywhere at all. Hugs are never long enough, kisses never sweet enough, and no words can truly express what you're feeling. You try to make it easier say "I'll be back soon!" Or, "the month with be over before we know it!" But mostly you just want to hold on for a little bit longer, take their hand in yours, smile and say "never mind, I'm not going anywhere."

    Wow. I have never heard anyone describe goodbyes so well before. I feel like a tiny piece of my heart is being taken somewhere else in the world every time I say goodbye. The pictures are lovely as well.

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  5. oh man, I love these photographs so so much. you has such a genuine style, like I don't even know how to describe it.
    these all are just lovely!
    (and welcome back!

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  6. these photos. I love them. you are so talented.

    i'm sarah grace

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  7. Dear friend, goodbyes are indeed the hardest. I feel like I don't make them emotional enough but I am glad for that. It would be unbearable otherwise. Truth be told I run away from goodbyes. I don't like the concept. I more prefer 'see you soon' even if soon isn't so soon at all.
    My winter (I'm in Australia) hasn't been the best. The cold weather seems to have entered into the souls of all those around me and people seem a little bitter these days, or perhaps it's just me who's bitter. I can't tell yet. I am hoping for warmer blankets and thicker socks. Maybe that will warm everyone up.
    I hope things settle well for you and you will be granted peace of heart. I think that is what we all need x

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Please let your words be flavored with salt, never cruel or cowardly.